Should we rant? Should we unfriend? What should we do when others have such different ideas?
I am concerned about the current trend to rant our feelings on social media and tell people if they don’t think the same way or if they think another particular way then they can’t be our friend.
That sort of thinking and acting creates an “us” and “them” mentality. Yet most of us don’t agree fully with anybody on anything. If we continue like this we will all be by ourselves unfriended and/or unfriendly. Or at the least, surrounding ourselves only with people who are just like us, only affirming, never challenging.
Ranting and yelling sends the message that if you want to engage with me on this it will be dangerous so just be quiet. Those that challenge, even respectfully, are often called names, belittled, and shut down.
“Listen to me, we do not all have to agree with each other. Disagreement is not the same thing as hate; don’t believe that lie.” –Chip Gaines, 2017
If we are always unfriending people if they aren’t just like us, then where is the opportunity to grow from others and help others to grow? You may not agree with someone but do you appreciate the chance to hear their perspective and perhaps be changed by it? If you unfriend others, they will no longer see your perspective and have the opportunity to grow through it.
And if we rant that perspective, it makes it hard for others to receive. Consider waiting before you post or reading it and then backspacing and trying again in a manner that expresses your thoughts and concerns without yelling at people. We should be able to communicate anything, if it is done in a considerate, thoughtful manner.
It is okay to have strong opinions, but thinking we are completely on the right and have everything figured out smacks of pride. Plus not ranting makes it a little easier if you do find out you were wrong to eat humble pie– if you haven’t been screaming about it first. (From experience)
I appreciate the example Ronald Reagan set. He was known to be friends with Tip O’Neill, the speaker of the House and leader of the opposite party. And also with USSR President Gorbachev. Both were political enemies of Reagan. Yet he practiced trying to find common ground with everyone.
This quote from the Reagan Foundation says it well: “He even found ways to be friends with political adversaries. Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill, an old-time Democratic pol from Massachusetts, would say all kinds of mean things about President Reagan. But rather than get angry or carry a grudge, the President invented a rule that Tip could say whatever he wanted during the day, but at 6 PM, the politics would stop and they would be friends. Nothing told the story of Ronald Reagan’s magnanimity more than pictures of those two old Irishmen swapping stories and laughing uproariously in the evening after a day of pretty intense verbal assaults.”
You may or may not have liked Reagan as president–but here’s a chance to practice learning something from someone different.
Another great example is the friendship of US Supreme Court Justices Scalia and Ginsberg. In the court, they were ideological opposites. Outside the court, they were friends. They had much more in common than differences. Scalia’s son writes about it in a lovely article describing the friendship he observed firsthand when the families hung out together. Here’s a quote:
“In many ways, it was quite simple, as some of the best friendships are. They worked at the same place. They were both New Yorkers, close in age and liked a lot of the same things: the law, teaching, travel, music and a meal with family and friends. They had a bond, I think in that they both grew up as outsiders—to different degrees—to the elites who had ruled the country; she as a Jew and woman, he as a Catholic and Italian American….An appreciation for differences was as integral to the justices’ friendship as the similarities. She had made her mark as a pioneering advocate for women’s rights; my father was a traditional Catholic who came to prominence as a critic of activist courts. He respected what she had achieved in an era when the deck was stacked against her; from experiences, he gained insight and depth of understanding. He liked learning and could learn from her.“
How do we want to be known? As someone with a loud mouth and strong opinions? As someone who others are afraid to engage with for fear of verbal assault? Or maybe you don’t verbally assault them, but you are easily offended and cut-off the relationship?
Or are you known as someone who has opinions, but is approachable, gracious, teachable and open to consideration? Someone that others can talk with about anything?
Ultimately, the Bible gives us the best guidance in how to reign ourselves in and correct our thinking and behavior.
Philippians 4:5 “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.”
Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.”
Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Proverbs 3:10 “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”
Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
So let’s not rant or unfriend over a difference of opinions. Think again before you post and unfriend. Ask God to help you be reasonable, humble, and sharpened by others.
The Chicken Dumpling Gang 